Okay, so technically I’m a farmer’s wife, but after 37 years of marriage, I know a thing or two – and nearly everything about farming applies to tips for getting through this Coronavirus pandemic.

(1) Wash your stinkin’ hands!

Farmers get dirty. Whether it’s dirt, sweat, animal entrails, manure, or some combination of the above, your wife doesn’t want you dragging it in the house. Wash up. The Center for Disease Control (CDC) says scrub for 20 seconds. That’s exactly the length of one verse of Old MacDonald Had a Farm E-I-E-I-O. (Mix it up, with an oink-oink here and an oink-oink there for one washing and a moo-moo here and a moo-moo there for the next.) When in doubt, continue to a second verse.

(2) Keep up with the news

Farmers watch the weather. They keep an eye on pork-belly futures (whatever they are, I don’t know – but I think they’d involve an extra verse of Old MacDonald for cleanup, see above). Farmers study up on veterinary science, crop rotation, equipment maintenance, and more. Do the same with this strain of the Coronavirus. Remember, it’s brand new – that means there are discoveries every day. And don’t go to those cockamamie conspiracy-theory sites, for heaven’s sake; meander through a variety of bona-fide news sites on the web. Finally, don’t get your news from comments on Facebook or memes on fashion influencers’ Instagrams.

(3) Don’t be a pig!

Now, I’ll be the first to admit that pigs get a bad wrap. Yes, their poo stinks, but I’ll bet yours does, too. Pigs do, though, make quite a commotion at meal time. They want to be first at the table (or teat, when piglets) and last to leave. Think of that when you’re at the grocery store – and don’t go crazy. Stocking up is one thing, but there’s no need to take every last roll of toilet paper off the shelf, for pity’s sake. Take some, leave some. Otherwise, I hope you hear a pig’s snort in your head to remind you that you’ve been an absolute swine.

(4) Watch out for your neighbors

Shortly after we were married, Gary messed up his back pitching hay bales. I was brought to tears as neighbor farmers took over the dairy farm for a week or so while he healed. Our ground-level bedroom window served as a drive-through of sorts as the farmers checked in with Gary to be sure the cows were well cared for and the fields tended to. Maybe you have a neighbor you could call and see if they need anything. Even a phone chat with a promise to get together after the Coronavirus is but a memory will make a difference in their day. (And if you’re feeling guilty about #3, above, maybe leave a package of toilet paper on their front porch, ring their bell and dash off. Oink!)

Part of caring about others: Wear a mask when in public! You’re not making a political statement or religious proclamation or philosophical claim. You’re just being smart. And kind.

(5) Keep your distance!

It’s called Social Distancing. Farmers have been doing it for centuries. Why? See #1, above. Chances are, they’re a little smelly. Alright, a lot smelly. Plus farmers are used to talking loud, because thousands of hours on a tractor will wreak havoc on your hearing. So stand eight feet apart and holler for a bit across your back fence. Handshakes? Gary has perfected the one-finger wave (Mr. Pointer Finger, that is); it serves him well, especially when driving.

(6) Kwitcher bellyachin’!

For the love of Pete, quit complaining! The name calling, second guessing, and ridiculing online and elsewhere simply doesn’t help. It just stirs up more of the same. The news media, for the most part, is doing an exceptional job reporting on the Coronavirus from all angles. Posting a comment on Facebook to criticize a reporter for “stirring up hysterics” just adds to the anxiety of those who’ll read it. Be nice, be supportive.

(7) Church may be closed, but God isn’t

Gary told me long ago he feels closest to God while out in the fields. It’s just the two of them out there. No one says we shouldn’t get some fresh air, we just shouldn’t do it with hundreds of other people within breathing room. Go for a walk in the woods or sit out on your porch. Go for a bike ride. If the spirit moves you, have a little chat with God. And be sure to say a prayer for those whom the Coronavirus has taken.

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