As promised in this earlier story about Grandpa Cassidy’s sister Ethel, here is the story of Anna. Not their mother, Anna Reilly Cassidy, but a generation later. Anna, a helper and friend who would become a treasured family member.

Ethel’s younger daughter, Jean Hungerford Sutherland, wrote down a series of memories a few years before her own passing in 2016.

And here is the story of her third parent:

She was always there, a member of the family before either Pat or I were born.

My brother has told me of his memory of the day she came to live with us. He was playing with his tin soldiers at the foot of the tree next to the driveway. She got out of the back seat and Mom told Rick that Anna had come to live with them. He thought that was great because he always had a good time with Anna when she took him for walks when Mom was playing bridge at that lady’s house. Anna was one of many children born to Polish immigrants.

During the throes of the Depression, she was taken from her home and put in a state facility because her family didn’t have the means to nurture all the children. At the age of twelve or thirteen she was asked if she would like to work as a mother’s helper. She missed home life. As a matter of fact, at the age of ten she had walked something like 25 miles in two days to find her way home from Long Lane Farm only to find she was to be returned to the Farm and chastised for her misbehavior. Anna did stay with a family. The lady of the house was a bridge friend of my mother’s.

Anna took care of Rick while the ladies played.

Afterward, my mother would sit on the front stoop with Anna and chat.

Anna thought my mother was so wonderful. When the family had to move out of state, Anna, because she was only 16, had to return to Long Lane. She wrote my mother and told her she would love to come and take care of Richard and that she would be a good girl. My mother had had a number of miscarriages during the years. She had just become pregnant with my sister and was told that she would probably require long periods of bed rest if she were to carry this baby to full term. Indeed, she needed help with housework and with my 3½ year old brother.

Thus, Anna became a member of our family.

My father was not so sure about wanting to take on a teenager, but her presence proved vital to the well-being of our family. Apparently, Anna could feel my father’s reticence and she was very unsure of herself that first night. It must have been very scary for her. She remembers my mother coming into her room, sitting on the bed, holding her in her arms and rocking her to sleep. The bond of love and care woven that night has never been tattered.

These two women were always devoted to each other. They were the best example of mother and daughter. Anna was slender, petite; but she was very strong and capable. She could and did do everything from lift heavy storm windows, paint and paper rooms; plait the best braids any girl could have, iron the perfect crease, care for babies, old ladies and give injections. I imagine my mother’s feelings could have been hurt from time to time when Pat and I would insist that Anna be the one to tie the bow, or fix the hair, etc. Mother never showed it. Her love and gratitude were so great. After Pat was born, Anna protected and cared for my mother during her pregnancy with me.

It was my mother’s faith and religion, but certainly also the knowledge that Anna was at hand, that gave my mother the courage to continue her pregnancy with me when the doctors encouraged her to end the pregnancy with a therapeutic abortion. Knowing her family was in good hands gave her the added courage.

The Hungerford family didn’t go anywhere that Anna was not included.

When asked to visit friends at their summer homes, etc., Anna always came. She was always welcome because she did 99% of all the work. She was something else. Her whole life revolved around our family. She did not take days off or go out on dates. She was totally devoted and good and pure.

We kids grew up, fell in love, got married, had children. Anna was with me with each of my babies. She stayed 5-7 days and when she left, the house was immaculate, the freezer was full with dinners for a week, and I was left with no worries except to nurse my babies. This has been a gift I’ve been privileged to give to our children.

What a gift Anna taught me.

My mother died quite suddenly just before our third child was born. As a matter of fact Beth came into the world the night of my mother’s funeral. My father was 62. He had many friends. At some point within the following year, he would tell either Pat or me about someone wanting to fix him up. It must have been flattering to him! Well, my sister got a little concerned and told me she thought he wanted to get married again. I said, ”Pat, he is a man, he’s not that old and he’s flattered.” She said, “no one can care for him the way Anna can. Do you think he wants to marry Anna?” I told her I thought Dad would tell us straight out if that were the case. Well, nothing would do for Pat, until we had a sit-down with Anna. Pat said she thought the things Dad was saying had to do with wanting to marry her.

Anna almost fell off her chair.

That night she told Mr. Hungerford that he needed to be careful with what he said to his daughters. He called both of us and said that he was not contemplating marriage of any kind, but he thought we were wonderful daughters.

Well, within the next year, while on a winter trip when he could not get a flight home, he realized he missed Anna. The idea of marriage was born. When he did speak to us, I told him that it should be a real marriage for both of them to be filled with love and devotion. And it was for 17 years.

Her acceptance of married life – a real married life – and all that it entailed brought a rich life to both of them. Our children remember B-Bomb and Anna well. They would come to care for our children when George and I went away on business travels for Connecticut General. They know their strictness and their fun. To this day they can still regale us with memories of spaghetti-eating lessons and cooking baking lessons. They called her Anna, but she was the grandmother they did not remember.

Anna had a great work ethic, but little sense of humor. Life was serious. She was faithful and stoic. She worked through pain. I remember being with her when she experienced a perforated ulcer. She was in great pain. I told her I was calling an ambulance. She was concerned about the trouble. We could have lost her that night. She needed permission to admit pain and illness.

I became her major health care manager.

I had to agree not to go to extreme measures to keep her alive. I‘m grateful I didn’t have to make any such decision as to take her off any lifeline. She suffered so many problems: perforated ulcer, emphysema, colostomy, gall bladder and pneumonia. George and I had brought her to New Hampshire to Wood Crest. She was very happy there until she got pneumonia and had to be hospitalized. She had been in New London Hospital and Clough Center for 4-5 months.

On the day she died, Mother’s Day, after having seen her after church, they started to prepare her for surgery the next day. She had developed a blockage in her colostomy opening, which needed repair. When they started the cleansing procedure, she experienced great pain. They called me and told me she was going into a deep sleep. I rushed to her and sat with her. I told her she had gone through so much; I knew that Mom and Dad were waiting for her. If she felt ready, she should feel free to go home. I held her hand as she quietly and peacefully simply stopped breathing.

I still talk to my beloved departed.

From time to time I pass the time of day with my Mom and I theologize with her, I spout off about my opinions to my Dad, and I suggest to Anna I could use some assistance. I think that if there is anything important to remember about my life, it is the feeling of goodness, and love that surrounded us kids. When cleaning out Anna’s belongings, I came across a number of letters written to her by my mother over the years. I read one or two at Anna’s funeral. There may have been people there who had not witnessed their relationship and might not have had a sense of what our family dynamics really were. These letters assure that the relationships within this family were respectful and loving. All things that came to be happened in the appropriate time and they were a blessing. I am very grateful and thankful to each of my three parents.

---

Here’s a photo of Anna I found among our family archives the other day:

I snooped around on Ancestry.com and discovered Anna’s parents, Stanislaw and Juliana Czaplicki were both born in Poland in 1890. They married in Connecticut in 1911. Anna was the fourth born of nine children over the next 18 years. Although she never gave birth, Anna’s path in life led her to become a loving mother and grandmother to many family members.

Would you like to receive an email notice when there’s a new Too Much Brudders story? Sign up here: